AS SEEN ON
You know you can’t keep going like this, not speaking up or saying no. But each time you want to share your truth, you get really scared and stay quiet. Again.
You beat yourself up for being a doormat, but you honestly don’t know how to do things differently.
It’s not your fault that you’re stuck.
Of course you want to feel more confident and say what’s really on your mind. But no one has shown you how to do that yet.
Now I am here for you…
I am a licensed clinical psychologist at Stanford University, and I specialize in helping people learn the skills they need to overcome people-pleasing and get more of what they want in their lives.
Most individuals who struggle with people-pleasing are trying to figure out questions like:
- Why is it so hard for me to speak up?
- How can I get over anxiety about saying no?
- Can I be assertive and nice at the same time?
- How do “normal” people say no?
- Will asking for what I want ruin my relationships?
- How can I feel better about myself?
THE GOOD NEWS
People-pleasing is not a life sentence.
It’s an unhelpful behavior that can be unlearned.
Did you know that there are a few core psychological skills that can help you stop doing what everyone else wants and start acting like your authentic self in as little as 8 weeks (or less)?
With the right guidance, you can learn to make requests and say no, all while improving your connection to yourself and others.
With the right information and strategies you can:
Learn where people-pleasing came from for you and how it keeps going so you know how to break the cycle
Understand anxiety and how to tolerate it so you can start speaking up even though you’re afraid
Learn specific formulas to ask for something or say no so you can get more of what you want while maintaining relationships
Practice understanding yourself and being on your own side, so you will stop being dependent on the approval of others
"If someone asked me what I got out of the STOP People-Pleasing course I would say “ME”. I have gotten a promotion and a raise in my salary, I have set more boundaries without apologizing because my comfort and feelings are as important as the other persons, I just started school to learn a new career, and I no longer tolerate anyone trying to belittle me or make me feel small! Life is not perfect but I am learning to do life perfectly imperfect!
Thank You Katie for this beautiful new life and the gift of your continued support! I will be forever grateful for the beautiful way you teach people to Stop People-Pleasing!"
Catherine, former Stop People-Pleasing course student
"I highly, highly recommend this course if you struggle with people pleasing. I've known for some time that I suffer from trying to make everyone happy, and Katie’s course has helped me discover the underlying reasons for such behavior and the process my brain goes through each time I confront a difficult situation.
Halfway through the course, I found the courage and know-how to tell my bosses at work that I was unhappy with the projects they had me working on and had applied for another position. It has also helped me share my honest feelings with my spouse. I can't ever remember feeling this "freedom" to express my personal needs and what I want to do with my life. Its a game changer."
Kevin, former Stop People-Pleasing course student
"The STOP People-Pleasing program has been the most significant and impactful personal development I have undertaken for years (and given I am a leadership coach, on a continuous development journey, that is saying something…)"
Debra, former Stop People-Pleasing course student
"I'd been struggling with people-pleasing for my whole life, and for most of it I didn't even realize what a problem it was. When I became aware of it, the statement "you just need to do what is right for you, and not worry about other people" came up a lot. But that's not very helpful if you have no idea how to do that! Katie's course really breaks down what people-pleasing is, how it gets started, how it continues, and how to overcome it step by step, little by little. I love the content that I can go back to as a refresher when I need to, and her multi-pronged approach--video, worksheets, handouts, cohort Zooms, and even sound bites on Instagram. I also appreciate her mixture of clinical, academic, and hands-on counseling background. I can't believe it took me this long to sign up for something like this!"
Emilie, former Stop People-Pleasing course student
"I have taken several classes with Dr. Fracalanza and have found her to be a wonderful instructor. Dr Fracalanza had an excellent command of the subject matter she taught. She was caring and supportive but on a more important note she encouraged us to face our fears and obstacles so we could continue to move forward. Her classes were invaluable to my personal growth. I gained confidence, self-knowledge and the ability to care for myself emotionally on an ongoing basis."
Pat, former Stop People-Pleasing course student
A comprehensive 8-module online course, developed by a licensed clinical psychologist, based on proven research that will teach you the most powerful skills to help you change your perspective and behaviors.
You will explore how people-pleasing started, your assumptions, how people-pleasing keeps going, and how to break the cycle to say no and ask for what you want within 2 months (or less).
Learn how to be a friend to yourself so that you feel more confident and grounded in your own point of view.JOIN THE WAITLIST
"Dr. Fracalanza is an adept educator in the practice of self-compassion. Grounded in research and science, she skillfully delivers concepts with clarity and utilizes meaningful approaches that are both deeply personal and highly applicable."
Maggie Wang, Doctoral Student at PGSP-Stanford Psy.D. Consortium
Here is what's inside
Module 1 : Assessing People-Pleasing
Module 2 : Why Are You A People-Pleaser?
Module 3 : How Does People-Pleasing Keep Going
Module 4 : How To Break The People-Pleasing Cycle
Module 5 : Carrying Out True-Self Practices
Module 6 : How To Make Requests & Say No
Module 7: Navigating Relationships With Others
Module 8: Improving Your Relationship With Yourself
BONUS: How To Process Your Journey and Keep It Going
What You’ll Get
Get access to a 10-question assessment designed by a clinical psychologist to assess your level of people-pleasing (from mild to severe). Learn where you’re starting from and how you improve after implementing the course strategies.
Over 40 instructional videos (more than 6.5 hours of content) broken into bite-sized 5-15 minute lessons of me teaching the most powerful tools to overcome people-pleasing.
More than 35 printable lessons to guide you through the concepts for each lesson, so you’re covered if you learn by reading and seeing ideas spelled out in detail.
Over 30 downloadable worksheets offering detailed guidance on how to apply the skills taught in this course to your life.
10 guided meditations designed specifically for people-pleasers. These guided exercises help you apply the concepts taught from the “neck down” - not only learning with your mind, but also with your heart. These meditations will help you be with your emotions, bring compassion to your experience, and build your relationship with yourself.
More than 35 journal prompts to help you process each lesson, understand your reactions to your learning, and apply the concepts taught to your own experience.
Katie teaches concepts in a way that is engaging and easily understandable even if you are brand new to a concept. She has a compassionate yet assertive approach in teaching others to ask for what they want. Katie did a great job teaching the skills of listening to feelings, being mindful of emotions, working with thoughts, and working with self-blame for Remble users. She also helped people learn how to cope with loneliness and find self-appreciation. I look forward to seeing what Katie will write in the future!
Jordan Green, CEO, Remble Relationship App
- Self-assessment designed by a psychologist that will give you feedback on the severity of your people-pleasing
- More than 40 instructional videos that break down all the skills to overcome people-pleasing step-by-step
- Printable workbooks for each lesson providing easy-to-follow guidance on each idea
- 35+ worksheets that walk you through how to apply the concepts taught in this course to your own life situations
- Guided meditations designed specifically for people-pleasers
- 35+ journal prompts to help you understand your people-pleasing and how you are growing as you apply new skills
- Bonus exercises throughout the course
Need extra support? I got you!
When you sign up for the VIP option, on top of all of the content of the STOP People-Pleasing course, you also get:
✔ 1-hour guided emotion experiencing session with me via video call (recommended after module 4)
You’ll get guidance on facing something you’re afraid of (e.g., asking for something or saying no), and will practice imagining the situation and feeling emotions with me.
I'll teach you how to work with difficult feelings that are keeping you stuck, so you learn the skills and confidence you need to do it in your own life.
✔ 1-hour tailored feedback & guidance from me via video call (recommended after module 7)
You’ll speak with me directly about any stuck points arising in planning and executing the practices in the course (e.g., true-self practices).
I’ll give you feedback to help you understand yourself and your stuck points, tailored guidance about steps to take to get unstuck, and recommendations for exercises to focus on to thrive.
JOIN THE WAITLIST
ONLY 2 CLIENT SPOTS AVAILABLE PER MONTH
I know you’ve tried MANY ways to overcome this before. You might understandably be wondering why this program will be any different.
I get it, I’d want to know the same thing.
Here’s why my course can give you life-changing results:
I’m a licensed clinical psychologist that knows the ins and outs of how to improve deeply ingrained problems like people-pleasing.
STOP people-pleasing is based on the scientific principles of behavior change and my experience as a psychologist at Stanford University.
I am known for breaking down complex problems into practical, step-by-step solutions that work.
STOP people-pleasing turns principles supported by research into step-by-step practices that will feel “do-able”, so you can implement them in your life and see real, game-changing results.
I have extensive training in self-compassion, so I balance helping you change with teaching you to be kind to yourself.
STOP people-pleasing is a balance of empowering you to use new skills with helping you be compassionate and understanding toward yourself. Both are necessary ingredients in the personal transformation process.
HI, MY NAME IS
Dr. Katie Fracalanza
I’m so excited that you’re considering letting go of your people-pleasing.
I’m a licensed clinical psychologist specializing in people-pleasing, fear of judgment, anxiety, and self-compassion. I work as a Clinical Assistant Professor at Stanford University where I conduct research related to optimizing treatments for anxiety and train other providers in how to provide the most helpful therapies possible. I have been offering therapy to help individuals overcome struggles like people-pleasing for more than 10 years, and now have my own private clinic where I train other therapists in how to offer gold-standard psychotherapy.
One of my passions is finding new and unique ways to get therapies that work into the hands of people who need them. That’s why I’ve created this course. Since I’m just one person, I can only provide therapy to a small number of people at a time. I don’t want you to have to sit on a long waitlist to learn the skills and strategies that you need to break free from people-pleasing now!
As an alternative to waitlists and expensive therapy that can go on for years, I’ve developed an 8-module online program that walks you through the core strategies you need to understand how people-pleasing started and keeps going in your life, shed unhelpful assumptions, learn how to make requests and say no, and develop a compassionate connection with yourself and others. Completing this program will give you the tools you need to reconnect with your true self, speak up for what you want, and say no effectively at a fraction of the cost of individual or group therapy. You can have the roadmap now.
Why do I care so much about helping people achieve freedom from people-pleasing?
Because people-pleasing was the struggle that plagued me for years. As a young person, I lived a life that didn’t fit me at all, because I was too afraid to disappoint others or say no. I was working in accounting (not my main area of interest), spending time with people who I didn’t really relate to, and filling my days doing things for others that weren’t in line with my genuine self. I felt small, unseen, and unfulfilled.
You too? I understand! As a person and as a clinical psychologist. Over the past 2 decades, in the process of breaking free of my own people-pleasing, I have learned many lessons the hard way. I have trial-and-errored almost every approach under the sun, and I know what worked for me and the hundreds of people I’ve helped as a therapist.
You don’t need to waste your time spinning your wheels on solutions that are not targeted or effective. Because of what I’ve been through personally, combined with my professional training, I know exactly what is needed to unearth the people-pleasing pattern so you get real results quickly. It comes from: a) a solid understanding of what’s going on for you, b) guidance on what specific ways of thinking and acting to change to get unstuck, c) help with how to tolerate difficult emotions, d) direction in how to talk to others effectively, and e) direction in how to be compassionate with yourself.
I know that anyone who is committed to letting go of people-pleasing can do it with the right knowledge and guidance. People-pleasing is a learned behavior. People-pleasing can be unlearned. I want to show you exactly how. You deserve the life you want, and it can be yours. It does require courage, trying new things, and trusting yourself. If you can lean into these, it’s your time to transform. Take the leap with me!
Katie is a wonderful teacher and has expertise in the treatment of anxiety and OCD through exposure, acceptance-based strategies, and self-compassion. Her style as a teacher is thoughtful, warm, and clear, all qualities that lend themselves nicely to self-compassion work. She tends to use examples to make content more relatable and easily digestible. Katie was extremely influential in my development as a therapist and a person more broadly, and I would highly recommend her.
Dr. Emily Livermore, Stanford University
is the right course for you if…
✔ You’ve had enough of putting yourself last and you’re ready to make a change
✔ You are interested in taking a closer look at your thinking and actions
✔ You want guidance on working with anxiety and other difficult feelings
✔ You are willing to feel discomfort in the short-term in order to have more of the life you want in the long-term
✔ You believe that your own actions can make a difference in your life
✔ You like to learn independently, and want to get new ideas, complete worksheets, and use guided exercises
✔ You’ve already tried to stop people-pleasing on your own, and are ready for expert guidance
✔ You like the idea of being kind to yourself, but no one has showed you how
✔ You would like guidance on skills like effectively making requests or saying no
✔ You feel stable enough in your life right now to withstand short-term stress from making changes
✔ You know there’s no magic bullet to any problem - change takes dedication, work, and time
"Without exaggeration, my experience with Katie Fracalanza has changed my life in a very positive way. I have suffered from severe OCD and anxiety since my college days -- over 40 years ago -- and this has greatly affected my personal relationships, career, and ability to feel happiness. Over that time, I have participated in 15 years of various forms of individual psychotherapy, been in a half dozen therapy groups, and also tried pharmacological remedies, all to no avail. I had heard of exposure therapy, but the thought of it scared me so much that I kept away from it.
Nothing really helped until I was fortunate enough to discover Dr. Fracalanza’s program in 2020, and began meeting weekly with her group. This was the first time I was with a professional who actually understood how the mind of an OCD and anxiety sufferer works, and who gently guided members of the group using a combination of mild exposure, structure, and caring. There is not a “cure” for OCD, but this course was my first real breakthrough in learning to live with it and feeling better about life, and also a guide for continuing to get better.
I would recommend her program to anyone who finds themselves in need."
Tim, Stanford self-compassion group participant
"I find it difficult to encapsulate in a few short sentences the profound impact Dr. Fracalanza’s class has had on me. Her unique teaching style of combining exposure techniques with mindfulness in a very nurturing and supportive environment has helped me surmount my own insecurities and lifelong experiences with judgement and shame. This revelational journey has allowed me to coexist with my OCD and be the creative, kinder, gentler, happier version of me that I have ever been and rightly deserve to be."
Sangeeta, former Stanford self-compassion group participant
"Dr. Fracalanza has played a critical role in significantly improving my life over the last few years. The first class I took with her was her group anxiety therapy class, in which we learned more about anxiety, shared our experiences, and performed guided, tailored exposures which, for me, had a significant long-term positive effect (and still has, years later). Katie "gets" anxiety and OCD. She is keenly knowledgeable of the science and mechanics of anxiety, skilled in guiding patients, and extremely empathetic---but she's also "tough" in that she won't allow us to cheat ourselves by taking the easy way out of dealing with our anxiety.
I also took two of Katie's follow-up mindfulness & self-compassion group classes, which strengthened what I learned in the initial class by helping me develop a better understanding of myself and the things that drive my anxiety, as well as an ability to "give myself a break" for my imperfections and normal human failings.
Core ingredients to all of Katie's classes were: (1) her expert insight into how anxiety works and how to loosen its hold on one's mind and life; (2) her warmth, supportiveness, and kindness, and (3) the supportiveness and kindness of the other group members, with whom sharing and listening to experiences of life with anxiety created a safe community in which we identified with others, learned, tried, wrestled with personal demons, mustered courage, and knew we had friends with similar struggles who understood us.
I highly recommend a class with Katie and look forward to reinforcing what I've learned from her with future classes. She, quite literally, changed my life for the better."
Lisa, former Stanford group participant
"I have attended Katie's group courses at Stanford as part of my treatment plan for an anxiety disorder. She is an outstanding teacher and facilitator who brings a unique blend of cutting edge behavioral science knowledge and well tested and proven practical tools and techniques to the table to achieve tangible and measurable results. I have worked with other therapists but Katie clearly stands out from the rest not only in terms of her dedication but also her empathy while relating to clients' challenges and helping them improve the quality of their lives."
Suresh, former Stanford group participant
Frequently Asked Questions
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What if I have questions for Dr. Fracalanza as I go through the course?
Every day that you’re stuck in people-pleasing is another day that you’re not living the life you really want.
ISN’T IT TIME TO TAKE THE POWER BACK, AND LEARN HOW TO VALUE YOUR OWN NEEDS AS MUCH AS YOU VALUE OTHERS?JOIN THE WAITLIST